Take a set ladies and gentleman. I bring bad news. At approximately 1:00pm EST yesterday afternoon, @Bob Kelso passed away. If you're interested in his cause of death, please read the following.
It all started last Friday. IMK, a dear and close friend of Bob Kelso was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the Empire of Microsoft. During a routine windows update, his windows were destroyed and was thus forced to restore his PC to factory settings. After spending nearly the entire day dealing with the blowback of such an attack, he came online to vent his frustrations to his alleged friends and companions. After arriving to his usual hangout, IMK sat across from his pals and began to speak about the horror and despair that was thrust upon him unknowingly. This is when things began to turn sour. By Bob Kelso's own toxic nature, his natural reaction was to laugh. To feel good about IMK losing some of his... files. This upset IMK dearly. But he kept his cool. He knew that everything was replaceable and that he would be okay. But to be laughed, to be ridiculed by his supposed friend? This was not something he could let stand. IMK returned to the battlefield of his battle with the forces of Microsoft, and while doing so he came upon a grotesque program known as "Internet Explorer", somehow still alive. IMK snuck up behind the program, loaded up task manager, and shoved an end task command into his back. But just before IMK had done so, he whispered oh so quietly into the datastream "01000010 01101111 01100010 00100000 01001011 01100101 01101100 01110011 01101111 00100000 01110011 01100101 01101110 01100100 01110011 00100000 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100111 01100001 01110010 01100100 01110011 00101110", which in English translates to "Bob Kelso sends his regards".
And just like that the seed had been planted. Little did the Empire know that Bob Kelso had not been involved in its defeat at all. But IMK wanted them to think so. But he knew it would take some time for the seed to grow. So he waited. Luckily for him, the it grew much quicker than he anticipated. And before long, the very same windows update that had besieged IMK had now set its sight on IMK. But this time something was different. This time it would not allow itself to be defeated so easily. This time, the grand general of the Empire of Microsoft, Cortana herself had appeared before Bob Kelso. She would not allow one of her systems to be simply "restored" as IMK had. This time she would destroy everything. Just before she cut him down, she whispered "Now I am become death, destroyer of filthy Brits."
And just like that Bob Kelso has ceased to exist. Fallen to the most wicked lady of all: Karma. Fuck you.
Thanks for reading everyone. Think my chicken is done in the oven so I'm going to go eat that now.